Staffing Issues

At this time of record unemployment, when so many (including us) are struggling with financial difficulties, I feel a little guilty for bringing this up. But I must. It's the help. Jeff and I have been having terrible problems with our servants.
Let's start with Sofia-Louise (So-Lo to her friends). She is our Belgian maid. When we hired her we thought the Belgians were as fussy as their neighbors, the Swiss. We were wrong. A typical day will start with me bringing her coffee. "Sofie? Time to get up sweetie."
"Why?"
"Time to clean!"
"Too early. Without sunlight, I won't see the dirt."
"Sofie, it's 10:30."
This gets her up. Mostly because that's when her favorite show is on. (An incomprehensible Euro Soap.)
When I suggest she vacuum, she shakes her head. Apparently American Electric outlets are just too different from what she's used to and she isn't sure of their safety.
Dusting? Why bother when it will just be dusty again tomorrow? If I tell her to make the beds she looks at me accusingly, "Make the beds? Are you expecting company?"
My favorite Sofie-ism relates to clutter, "Hey, it is not my fault that you guys have too much stuff."
Then there is Hans-Lars, our chauffeur. He has such a beautiful uniform. All braiding and brass. But there is no denying it: he looks very out of place behind the wheel of the '79 Plymouth Volare.
Jeff (who can get very BBC on us) insisted on a stable boy.
"Honey!" I protested in vain, "We don't have a stable!"
"Well, you know, he's more to keep Sofie company."
Our cook,Beverly, does make some fine food. Although, be careful, if she offers you a cup of tea: find an excuse to skee-daddle. Otherwise you'll be trapped for hours as she dabs away tears with the edge of her apron and tells you all about her troubles with her husband, Bert. Seems he's at the pub every night and have a roving eye. She keeps wanting me to hire him as either a groundskeeper or a gamekeeper, despite our short supply of ground and game.
Beverly is sometimes known as Hurricane Beverly for her ability to use every last bowl, spoon, pot and counter top when making anything. She could fix you toast and manage to dirty the garlic press and the bunt pan.
Does she clean these dishes?
"Oh no! I would be taking work from poor Sofie-Louise. I would be insulting her if I did the dishes."
And Sofie? "No. The kitchen is Beverly-land. Ever since the war we Belgians are very sensitive about invading someone else's territory."
What we really need is a dog nanny. And we will get one, a real Mary Poppins. Just as soon as I can hook up the nanny-cam. Hmm. Nanny Cam. Maybe there's a way to make the Nanny position pay for itself. I'll have to talk to my tech savvy friends. Nanny cam sounds dirty. People pay for dirty. Right?
If you'll excuse me, I have an onerous task ahead of me. I need to broach the subject of the bathroom with Sofie. Last time she bit me.
I know I should leave it to Mrs. Effington, our housekeeper. But the woman scares me. She spends so much time just staring at that portrait of Jeff's first husband.